“He feels “indifferent” and I see that’s his feeling not mine.

I am feeling empowered by the thought that all my knowledge now has to come to fruition

and the usual squeeze in my chest is telling me to get on and work.

My heart has finally stood up and spoke up and shown up

I’m not gonna complicate my mind with his talk

this too will pass.

The fire is burning but not against him, I actually like the way he is making me feel this in my chest so I can come and focus my attention on my work

and we will see where we go.

I have this ease that whatever is going to happen is the right thing to happen for me and I’m resting on that

trust is back in me and I have no doubt and simply accept what is. It’s a wonderful feeling.

He is a female in a male body and I am a male in female body… that’s bullshit and I don’t really agree with it since he still is the guy and forges forwards.

It feels like your higher self is making sure to hug my soul so tight and never let go. I feel pressed and it’s hurting, it’s like “ouch” and it’s the same as physically squeezing my hand and now I feel it on my soul.


Back off.

You are scared little shit

get jealous for no reason

clinging on to me

so back off cos this is making me retract and close off and I am the one who has to be open not you.

You fricking women.

I loughed to someone else like I did to you and now you are afraid but there is no need for it,

stop please.

This is not my feeling.

I am not holding back.

Stop pushing me you fat fuck,

the more you push me the more you hurt me and the more you hurt me the more nothing will change or flow.


Keep pushing actually,

push harder if you like,

I am fucked anyway.

The trick is to love me sensually and patiently.

The pushing is easy,

keep pushing.

I was wholesome at Awesometown.

I chose “me” and that is what’s attractive.

You can keep pushing, I am a vagina remember,  I can bear it.

Your job is to contain me

not squeeze me.

If you want to be happy you have to let me be happy.

Its not even half a day when we are not digging into something and I am really not buying it.

Its not gonna work like that

You don’t have to squeeze me for me to tell you about all the other men

I really don’t feel this is the right attitude.

Give me time,

I don’t even know, I am not gonna be 100% .

I need time to get to know you and every time you squeeze me its kind of nice but also not.

The attitude will be to say and ask how was my day and to keep talking about your own discoveries and feelings.

When you said “indifferent” it felt like you are asking me to resolve it for you.

You love me too much to let me go

and I will be speaking to other men

and you will still be here

so why don’t you get selfish

and start thinking and discovering how you can benefit from the journey.

What possibilities does it offer you?

You said what about us?

I ask you what is us?

and you can’t define it?

We go out of our minds into the existential ends and wits where there is nothing between two atoms

so what is us

the conversations with you are like a dance only you step on my feet each time and you don’t allow yourself to listen to the music

to be in the moment.


Us is a consistent and continues work,

talking and sharing and experiencing together.

Us is still gonna be not 100% sure in the future because any day one can get up and go.

I have your back and you should have mine.

You could be here now next to me,

laying down next to me, dreaming and talking,

but no you don’t want that.

You love me so much you want to destroy me,

you love me so much you want to squeeze me until I pop.

I know that feeling since I feel this way about myself from when I was 7 and had my first “wank”.

So it is in you

not me.

It is you who you want to squeeze until popping! Not me.

This fits with my other value which is Gentleness!!!

Sink into what that means and actions that represent this value…

Cherish the love we have 

for as long as we shall live,

cherish the life we live.”



I want to show you how an emapth can sense when a feeling is their own or not. How he/she can feel when someone else is energetically squeezing them.

The tittle “Millionaire” is given because again, I related to the “feeling of my heart is not in it”. I relate to the moment when the man wont admit he wants to strangle the women. When the women wont surrender and ask him to back off.

Notice the transition toward OK, keep pushing. The Beauty of surrender is a lesson you must know about and apply to your life at challenging situatuions.

A letter, channelled and related to the importance of expressing self-love to yourself in the form of loving thoughts and acts at all times as well as Keeping it Real.

Keeping it Real means recognising the shadow side and all the swear words as well as the loving ones. Remaining True to what is.

This gives us balance. 

Peace and out.